When I’m trying to do something in MS Office or Excel and am looking for an easier way to accomplish my task, I ask the oracle of Microsoft – Mr. Paperclip Man.

It’s no secret I’m fond of the paperclip, but this Paperclip is AWESOME!!!  He’s taught me a lot during my years of rockstardom.

I think I can honestly say I am better and more efficient at my job because of him.  Sometimes when you’re stuck, you’ve just gotta ask yourself, “What Would Paperclipman Do?”

What I don’t understand though is why some people are so scared of him?  He won’t steer you wrong, (at least on purpose) and he doesn’t even have a mouth, so he can’t bite.

If he doesn’t have what you are looking for, you could always Google what you want.  You would be surprised how many Microsoft nerds are out there spending their time on message boards and discussing new and more efficient ways to solve Microsoft Excel problems!

So men – (yes I say men, because I have yet to meet a woman who is scared of asking Mr. Paperclip Man for help) suck it up, and click for help!

Note:  Microsoft did not include Paperclip Man in the 2007 Office Suite.  So sad….but on the bright side, most companies won’t automatically upgrade… most people I know in the workforce right now are still dealing with MS 2003.

One of the things I’ve never understood about Corporate Life is when people who are ridiculously sick come into work.

Most companies offer their employees “sick days”… some don’t even count sick days – they have a “Just-Stay-Home-And-Don’t-Infect-The-Rest-Of-The-Office-Please” policy.

If you are visibily or even internally too sick to function effectively, there is no reason for you to be in the office. There is nothing sexy about coughing up balls of who-knows-what every 4 minutes…. and if you get me sick, I’m gonna be upset.  Even if you aren’t contagious, DON’T GO TO THE OFFICE if you aren’t going to be able to get anything done!

I secretly think people go to work when they are too sick for a two reasons:

1) To show their dedication.  “Look at me! I’m such a trooper!  I can hardly breathe, my nose is running faster than Willie Parker, but I’M HERE! AND I’m trying to work even though I won’t actually get anything done!!”

2) To get some attention.  “Awwwwww you poor thing!!!! I hope you feel better soooooooon!”

I’ve been MIA from PCI for a few days – doing my taxes (yay refund!), hanging out with Coco, spending QT with friends, etc etc have kept me busy.

Over the last few days, it seems like the economy just keeps getting worse.

Today was the final straw.

After opening my inbox this morning I just wanted to scream “YOU KNOW WHAT, RECESSION? YOU SUCK!”

About 6 months ago when things first started visibly getting rocky, I thought ‘ boo on that… hopefully things will rebound after the holidays’… but alas, they did not.  And now it seems like they are going to be worse before they get better, and to be honest, this whole recession thing is really starting to piss me off.

1. Saving for a rainy day. I’ve mentioned before that I am very financially responsible. I haven’t quite finished my 9-month safety net, but for a 20-something, I have a pretty impressive portfolio of CDs, money market accounts and savings accounts for very specific purposes.  Back when I really started to focus on savings (about 1.5 years ago) my money market accounts were getting close to 5% APR interest rates… my CDs were also up there.  It was so awesome! I was getting all kinds of interest money just for having my accounts there!  Right now my money market accounts are getting 2.4%.  Seriously?   I recognize that 2.4% is still way better than the interest you get in regular savings accounts with banks, but there is so much lost opportunity there for interest income   The last CD I got about a month ago was a smart move because I somehow locked in a 3.5% interest rate.  The rate for a CD for that same time span has since gone down.  I can only hope it goes back up when it’s time to renew my CDs.  Boo on you, Recession! You’re sucking out all the extra interest I could be using to build my safety nest!
2. Freezing aspirations. As a card-carrying member of Gen Y, I am naturally an ambitious person.  Whenever I achieve something, I take a moment to enjoy it, then I keep on stepping to take it to the next level after that.  When I first joined my current company at the ripe old age of 24, I created a pretty aggressive plan down the career path I wanted to take.  I started out really well, but now, at 27, I feel stuck.  I can’t break out of my role despite my best attempts over the last 2 years and this stupid recession has made it harder than ever.  Companies are in hiring freezes so it’s hard to move around.  There are even massive lay-offs going on.  And if that wasn’t enough, companies are lowering pay on positions out there in the marketplace.  If I’m lucky enough to escape this rocky road with my job, I will definitely be thankful, but still upset in another way.  I want to achieve what I set out for myself.  How much longer is this going to last? Will I be in this job for all of eternity while we just sit and wait to see what happens?  You suck, Recession, for crapping all over my career aspirations!
3. 401k – My dreams of retiring at 45 have pretty much been shot to hell.  I hope I win the lottery because I don’t think my 401K will ever have 401K in it.   Thank you, Recession, for allowing me to work until the age of 80.
4. Fun Suckers. One of the things I love about my company is how crazy-fun we can be.  For the most part, the people in my company are really cool, and as a company, we know how to have a good time.  This last year, however, has been such a downer.  We’re traveling less and spending less money in an attempt to keep a positive balance on our books.  They’ve tried things to keep our spirits up, and we definitely appreciate it, but it’s not quite the same atmosphere that was around when I first joined. Way to be a fun sucker, Recession!
5. Yada Yada Yada. I believe that communication is very important.  It’s so depressing though when EVERY conversation you have with friends, coworkers, or even family gears back to the whole economic situation.  Someone else lost their job… talking about companies cutting back… talking with coworkers and trying to figure out what the heck the guys up at HQ are thinking and trying to figure out who is going to get the ax.  (Temporarily) Gone are the days of having entirely positive conversations.  It always comes back to the effects of the economic situation.  I know I am just as guilty as anyone about bringing this up all the time.  Just today I spent almost an entire lunch hour talking to my CBFF about who he thought would get laid off, how things were going to be, would we be able to move around, etc etc.  He probably wanted to scream out of frustration because I wouldn’t shut up! Like LiLo would say, it was like word vomit… it just kept coming out!  Thanks alot, Recession, for making the entire country a bunch of nerds who can only talk about you. Narcissistic much?!
   

photo courtesy of rocket ship

I’ve been MIA from PCI for the last couple of days because I was out shakin’ my ass off at bars and nightclubs with my girlfriends – you know, the usual – just trying to savor the last few days of my vaca time.

These past 2 weeks passed by much too quickly and I have a ton of stories to share so I will sprinkle them in with all my work anecdotes.  In the meantime, last night, instead of going out with the girls for one last night, I stayed in because when I woke up in the morning I had a pretty bad sore throat.

As the day progressed, it didn’t let up, so I figured I probably shouldn’t go to a bar because smoke and more alcohol would probably make it worse.

Apparently, I didn’t need smoke or alcohol to make it worse.  By the time I headed to bed, it was a full-on head cold (maybe?).  I was stuffed up and had all kinds of gross mucus stuff going on.

I figured it couldn’t be all that bad for a few reasons:

1. I REALLY like Vicks Vapor Rub.  It just smells so good!
2. If I have the flu, it won’t be all the bad.  The last time I got the flu, I lost 10 lbs in about a week.
3. I got sick at the END of my vacation, and not DURING it.  That means I had an awesome time over the last 14 days!

As a Con, I think Vick’s Dayquil sucks.  They show commercials with people all excited about getting some extra vitamin C in their Dayquil and riding bikes and being excited… but when I take DayQuil, I still feel like crap?

What’s up with that?

Anyway, I’m off to take Coco out, then it’s time to get ready for work!

Yay!

…

Do not check your work email while you are on vacation.  While you may have the best of intentions, there is a 99.875% probability that you will see something that makes you SO upset, it causes you to drink heavily like I did last night.

Cheers!

Cee

I’ve been back home visiting my parents and family in my teeny tiny hometown for the last few days.  I’ve noticed MANY differences between my hometown and one of the things that irks me the most (besides the lackluster shopping and even scarier buildings) is the fact that people here treat shopping carts like garbage cans.

I hate shopping carts too – mainly because they make me buy stuff I don’t really need at Target, but even that isn’t enough for me to treat them so badly.

First off, I really hate the fact that people here don’t take the extra 5 steps necessary to put the carts in the damn cart return area.  Besides the fact that these people could use the extra exercise, they don’t seem to care how hard it is for workers to round up 100 eff’ing carts that are scattered around the parking lot in between cars… instead of the 3 minutes it takes to get that same amount of carts that are all in the return area back to the store. Back where I live now, people will stare you down if you don’t return the cart to the designated area.

Secondly, I hate that people put their baby’s dirty diapers in the cart.  I mean, seriously?!  Are you really that gross? Why in the HA-YELL are you changing your baby in the middle of the parking lot anyway?  Or… wherever.    I just don’t understand it.  Don’t they know people use their carts to put FOOD in… food that they are going to CONSUME?  Disgusting.

Thirdly, I hate that people use grocery carts for race-cars.  Yea, I am totally guilty of doing that in my lifetime, but I was a freshman in college and when we did that it was well after midnight when no one else was in the store.  We didn’t do that when we were 30 yrs old one day right before Christmas.

I firmly believe that stores in the U.S. should institute the ‘rental’ system that most other countries use to prevent this kind of shopping cart abuse.  This will keep costs low because consumers will want to return the cart back to the designated area so they can get their money back and it will prevent the customers from using it as a trash receptacle (the carts typically won’t ‘click’ in place if there is crap in it).  It may not prevent full-grown adults from acting like idiots with the carts, but I guess you can’t win them all.  I’d take 2 out of 3.

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Special thanks to Bossdude for the non-commercial use of his photo.

I mentioned the whole shoe incident the other day on my site… and the funny folks at Zappos.com have answered back with their own version of ShoeGate 2008:

Zappos sells and throws shoes

Thanks to the Zappos CEO for letting me post the link… check out his Twitter and buy some cool stuff from Zappos.com while you’re at it

Sidenote: You know sometimes when you say or type something a lot and it makes you realize how cool that word really is?  I’m getting that sensation right now with the word “Zappos”.. haha

…. while I lose my mind.

(*&(@#(!*@!@)#!(*@#)(@ *#&@#*!^@*&#^!(*@#!!!!!!!!!!!

I am confused.

I was taught early on never to assume anything. When I was in high school, I even heard the phrase “When you assume something, you make an ASS out of U and ME” from my friends. I thought it was pretty hilarious!

I was recently told by someone with a smidgen of significance in my company to assume certain things which just left me bewildered. I considered sharing the phrase I learned back then, but decided against it.

I honestly didn’t know how to react. I didn’t want to say “uhhh I’d rather not. Can you just tell me in words (preferably written words so I can reference them later) EXACTLY what you are expecting and what you want so you don’t get unnecessarily angry at me again?” because that would just reinforce the whole Gen-Y stereotype that we all need our hands held (which personally, I think is a bunch of crap. The only Gen-Y’ers that I know of like that grew up with HeliParents)

So now I’m in this awkward world of assuming stuff at work.

Maybe this is so weird to me because my background is mostly numbers and programming languages – where nothing is really assumed. Everything is absolute and the things that aren’t absolute have an absolute variable name.

Dangit. I should have majored in psychology or art or something.

What are some things you assume at work?

The other day I was standing in line at the local department store, buying more stuff to prepare for my move.  For some reason I was going over the list of things I had to do…

feed Coco… check.

get my new cable set up…. hmmmm need to do that.

pay my cell phone bill… have I paid my cell phone bill? I think I have… I’m pretty sure I have.  I should double-check when I get back.

It was then that I realized I pay about $100 every month for my cell phone.

$100 a month.

That’s $1200 a year.  For my stinkin cell phone.  Wow.  That sounds like a lot when you think of it that way.

At that moment, I got out my cell phone to use the trusty calculator feature.  $100 a month.  For one person.

If the entire population of a major city was around 500,000 and they all had cell phones, that’s $50,000,000 –   for one month.

When I got home, to further distract from packing, I hopped on my grey laptop and googled the population of Seattle, WA.  Why Seattle?  Because it was the biggest city I could think of in the U.S. without using NY, LA or any of the other major cities that scientific studies always used.  I kinda felt bad for Seattle and wanted to give it some love.

The metropolitan area population of Seattle is 3,424,441.

If all those people had one of those $100 unlimited everything plans, that’s $342,444,100 every month or 4,109,329,200 a year.

That’s a lot of money.

I’m in the wroooooooong industry.